My Grandma

Yesterday morning, my Grandma, Enola Mae Kapfer Wells, passed away.

Here is who she was to me:

Someone who worked incredibly, unbelievably, unfalteringly hard. I mean it. She was so physically strong, it amazed me throughout my whole life. She could lift heavy stuff, beat the living daylights out of anything - like a gigantic pot of whatever she was cooking, work inside or out - tirelessly, and do it all really quickly, with complete effeciency, and without complaint.

She liked to have fun as well, and did that with gusto too. She was a master at blending work with fun, and getting the hard stuff over with soon, so that "we could play."

I could be making play-dough noodles at the kitchen table while she blew through making the real ones (which no one in the world can ever top,) and pretty soon, all her work would be done, and there she'd be sitting with me, teaching me how to make more play dough stuff.

Later she taught me how to make the real noodles. What a gift. I have her wooden pastry board (or whatever you call it - it was actually her Mom's, I think.) I have her rolling pin, and I have the special noodle knife. I will treasure them, and use them. I have her potato salad recipe, written by her. I have other recipes, written quickly in my hand-writing because I had called her for advice, and she had told them to me over the phone. "You know, just use your own judgement," she'd say.

She was a cook like no other; absolutely amazing - everything always perfect, and always a lot!

She always had cookies in the cookie jar; if not homemade chocolate chip, or sugar, or peanut butter, then Nutter Butters. And yes, I could always have one. (or 3 or 4)

She always had a coke float ready, if anyone needed one.

She could color beautifully. She read to me tons.

She could sing. She loved to sing alto, and harmonies in general. Her singing voice was warm and clear. She sang with her sisters and brother, with her kids and grandkids, and great-grandkids, and I can remember her sweet, low-ish voice singing to me as she rocked me on her lap.

She loved to play card games, and could be quite competitive. She didn't mind if we poured all of the poker chips out all over the floor, as long as we eventually picked them up. (I was usually sorting them....)

She was modest in ways, never arrogant or self-centered, but took pride in her appearance and in everything she did, for that matter.

She loved to hold the babies - even when we were a little worried that at 90 years old, she might have a hard time - she managed to have them on her lap. I'm telling you - STRONG, in every way.

She could make toys and fun out of anything! Mud, old catalogs, cardboard, sticks, clothespins, boxes................

She loved an adventure, like traveling with Grandpa, camping with her sister and brother-in-law (sleeping in the back of a pick-up with a camper top on it), she loved a flea market and an antique mall, she loved a beautifully carved antique piece of furniture and beautiful china pieces.

She could find 4-leafed clovers.

She had vegetable and flower gardens that were wonderful and beautiful.

She put her family first, even as large as we became. She came to millions and trillions of dance recitals, ball games, band events, graduations, weddings, reunions, baptisms, everything. She was there. She wasn't just there - she was enjoying herself. (or at least she faked it really well.) She never, ever, never failed to send the birthday or anniversary card. Never.

She LOVED writing and receiving letters. I will miss her letters, with the writing all over the margins (because like me, she still has more to say...), and her underlined (2 or 3 times) emphasized words. I have gotten letters from her that might be 6 or 7 pages long. I will miss writing to her too, and making sure my penmanship was my best effort. This was important.

She loved teaching. She taught language arts and math in her professional life, and taught me thousands of important lessons throughout my life.

Have faith in God.

Never hold a grudge. Forgive and forget.

Love your neighbor.

Work first, play later - do both with vigor.

Appreciate your family and friends, and show them.

Be generous.

Be grateful for what you have.

Take pride in your work.

Pay attention to the details, and the small things in life.

Appreciate the beauty of nature.

Do not feel sorry for yourself.

Use correct grammar and spelling.

Have fun.

Use your manners.

Pretty is, as pretty does.

Plant and care for flowers.

Enjoy every minute God gives you, time is short.

I loved and admired her with all my heart. She was one of four amazing idols in my life, who were my Grandparents. Thank you, Grandma for helping to raise me, for playing with me, for working with me, for teaching me, for being with me, for loving me. You're always in my heart, and I will miss you until I see you again.

Love,

Libby

"Just Keep Swimming..."

The title, stolen from "Finding Nemo," is literally what I say to myself often. As in nearly each day.

As I recall, in the movie, they're swimming (maybe it's just Dory) through something unpleasant. (I need to watch it again, but won't because it makes me cry.)

As lucky as I am right now, I still have to remind myself to keep moving sometimes. I do want time to stand still a little bit more with regard to my kids growing up. It's way, way to fast for me. But there are the times which are unpleasant in varying degrees - everything from pulling inordinate amounts of weeds, to trying to pray your relatives into good health - when I can't think of anything else better to do, than just that - keep moving.

I miss my friend. I miss how "solid" she was. How utterly positive she was. I continue to try to stay connected to the friends - many friends - I still have here on this earth with me. It's just difficult sometimes to not simply sit down and stop.

No choice though. Other folks, who have it a LOT harder than I do - I don't even have it hard - keep swimming. So, since they do - I do.

Old Friends

This can now mean "friends from a long time ago," as well as "friends who are old."

I certainly remember thinking 40 was old.

Anyway, who cares?!

I'm just so happy and grateful and blessed and everything like that, that I have so many!

Went to Kansas City this weekend for an overnight with the Bald Man. Re-united with some folks from college, whom, by the way, have connected with me on facebook. (I was a facebook resister, but now, I love its value for connecting/re-connecting with people. And, I'm getting tired of the whiners who hate facebook, but haven't even tried it.)

Anyway, had a great time. Had a glorious brunch today with one of my very dearest girls, Lisa, at a place called Lidia's - oh man. Delicious.

The incredible thing about old friends, is that they KNOW you. 20 years can pass, and when you see each other again, it's just as great as ever.

Well, I'm grateful, that's all.

Everything Does Change, I Guess

Well, perhaps I'll try to write posts more regularly, for Heaven's sake.

Went to Hawaii. The time with my husband and kids was unbelievable. Really. We've never had that length of time, all together, with no other distractions - lessons, work, meetings, etc. The Bald Man had to work about 5 half days, which was fine. The rest of the time, we were just together. We relaxed so completely. And the atmosphere.......well, it's Hawaii. We stayed on the Big Island of Hawaii and saw tons, met great people, got a feel for the real culture there, as well as the luxurious resort life. (a lovely perk of the conference)

Anyway, I can't find sufficient words to describe how wonderful it was, in every way. So, I'll stop trying.

We're back, which took a few days of adjusting - like a week. Everyone's so uptight here! People, we don't need to go so fast and worry so much. It works to go slowly, sometimes.

We did embark on a month or so, of lessons. The girls are doing lots of ballet, some other styles of dance too, Cake is on swim team (kicking much booty) and Veggie is taking tennis lessons - she loves it, and doesn't even mind the sweating. We're working in some other stuff here and there, and playing a lot. I won't share their secrets, but I am happy to be re-assured that they are actually still little girls.

They're growing up way, way faster than I want them to. Tonight the Bald Man and I got pretty choked up while we were packing up some dollhouses and baby doll stuff to put into storage, while making room for the drum set that Veggie is now playing. It's just too much, sometimes. Of course, you want it to happen; it's just too fast for my taste. They're still tight as ever - best friends, like I could have never imagined. I have really cool kids, and on my own blog, I think it's okay to be openly proud of that.

The cancer cloud still lurks around. I hate that thing. My stepmother is fighting it off now. My Aunt did a big fight this winter and spring, and she's winning! My Dad seems to be keeping it at bay lately too, Praise God!

"Everything Changes" is the title of a song which was written by a friend of Sarah's after she died. It's also the title of an event that the same friend organized in her honor and which raised around $14,000, I think, for cancer research and care. I didn't want to hear those words when I heard it sung at Sarah's party/service. I didn't want to accept that fact, and frankly, I still don't. But I cannot deny that it's true. I suppose all I can do is keep moving, and smile when I'm able.

Sarah died one year ago tomorrow. I miss her every day. I still visit her grave a lot, but lately I've decided to give flowers to our friends "in her honor" instead of leaving them at the cemetary every time. I think she would go for that idea. And like my Dad told me last July 7th; I don't have to try to fill up the hole in my heart, but I will get more used to having it there.

I miss you, my friend! You're always in my heart.

Back to Blogging

I've been off for a while, but am taking a moment to make a blog post again.  No real reason, just busy, I suppose.

My husband, kids and I are all doing great.  This is a wonderful blessing - health, happiness, togetherness.  We're looking forward to a 2.5 week trip in Hawaii in a few weeks.  AAHHHH.  It should be bliss.  No homework, no lessons, no meetings, a little bit of work for the Bald Man, but not bad.  We're coasting down the hill of the last 3 weeks of school.

I'm a parent who loves having my kids with me - whenever I can have them.  I LOVE summer break.

I'm working a good amount of time at Bluestem, bluestemmissouricrafts.com, which has been really wonderful.  The women with whom I work are incredible women, and I am so proud to count them as friends.  It's very inspiring artistically to work in the surroundings too.  I even have an item for sale now!  Many ideas rolling around in my brain for more; just need some time.

I have done some art lately.  I did a big painting of some gerbera daisy-ish looking flowers.  It was a bit of an "until we meet again," exercise for me in dealing with letting my friend Sarah go.  I know that I have to, to an extent, and I am trying to let it happen.  So I painted, wiped my eyes a lot, laughed a little, and the end result makes me feel happy, and reminded that she will always be with me.  She loved gerberas, and they epitomize her spirit.

 I did a couple of others too - all 3 in one day.  (I was physically injured for the next several days; standing on concrete - no good.)  I am having quite a time getting these in the right places, so you just have to look at them where they are.

Friends continue to be friends.  Some are solid.  Some are less so.  I just keep trying to be a good one myself, and hope that it works.

Practicing letting people know my thoughts.  Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't.  Such is life.

My college buddies travelled to visit me, and we stayed, with our families, in a house on the Katy Trail.  12 people in a 3 bed/2 bath house, and it was glorious.  We cooked, rode bikes, relaxed, laughed, of course, and shared our lives and families with each other.  Oh man, it was the best!

My life is good, even with the annoyances.   (I can't help but share a thing that makes me laugh. It's kind of gross, so stop reading if you want.  One of my good friends is having to do tests on her fecal matter for three days - she is having a health issue.  She hilariously called the small pieces of poop she's having to do chemistry with "shit bits."  I think this is a term I can use often for many (hopefully less literal,) situations!  Feel free to use it too!)

on repelling negativity

I hate it when I'm having a really good time, and somebody messes it up.

I like to try to rise to the challenge of repelling the negativity.  It's a good exercise for me.  I like to prove to myself that I don't have to soak up every piece of energy that floats about, or is even hurled at me.  I like to think through the situation, and then move on, in a positive way.

What I don't like is when it takes me longer than I want it to, to get this done.  I really hate it when I cry or get a stomach ache from the stress of it.  I am tougher all the time, as I age, but I think I might always be doomed (or blessed) to be a big "feeler."  

I'm going to try to look at these moments as mud puddles that are in my path.  I can carefully step around them, and then continue skipping along.  I can methodically trudge through the middle, making sure I don't do anything "wrong."  Or, I can stomp the hell out of them until they are no longer a problem for me.

A Good Run

Sometimes, you hit a really good run of nice people.  I've been in a great one lately!  I love that.  Maybe we're all happy about Spring being on the way.  Maybe it's the moon.  Maybe it's the fact that (as my good friend who can see, feel and hear my energy has told me recently,) "my soul is exploding into my whole body," and that I should "get ready for the amazing journey!"

I don't care really, the reason.  I am just grateful.

Tomorrow, I start another painting! 

I made art!

If you are a Facebooker, you already know this, and can stop reading.

After 7 months of feeling scared to create any real art, I have finally done it.  As you may know from earlier posts, I've been a little hesitant to do any real art, since my friend Sarah died.  I just didn't feel like it, and she was one of the best inspirers for me.  Anyway, I had known for many months that that whenever I felt like it was time, I would do something using her favorite colors, which are the primaries and secondaries - in their most pure form.

I think I mentioned a long time ago, also, that in early January, I took photos of dancers for the purpose of doing paintings from them for a specific show.  Well, the entry deadline was last Friday.  I had managed to avoid doing anything until that day.  After a half day of torturing myself for "failing" on this endeavor (i.e. missing the deadline), I finally dragged myself to the studio.  I had one hour.  I put some antiquated headphones on with some John Lennon, and focused.  (Oh, that's kind of funny, I just remembered that Sarah was singing a John Lennon song to me in my dream the day after she died.  hmm...)

I knocked out two 12" x 12" paintings.  One is of a dancer's feet - red shoes and a bright yellow background, the other is of a dancer's hand - multi-colored hand, bright blue background.  I turned them in wet.  But I got them in.  This isn't a juried show, so if you get your stuff there, I think you're in.  

This was all last Friday.  Today, I had a massage - 2 hours.  In the words of my massage therapist, my energy screams at her - she gets things from me.  Today, she was getting a creative need which has been long supressed, needing to get out.  She was also seeing bright yellow energy from my whole body.  Hmm...  I hadn't told her about the paintings.

While I was having this massage, my yellow painting was being purchased!  (found out this evening.)

Interesting and exciting day.  I'll try to post a photo of the pieces later.  Hadn't thought to photograph them before I rushed them in to the gallery.

Have to do art.

Oh boy...........

It's necessary to laugh - often, and loudly.

If you don't, you might develop all kinds of horrible problems - like grouchiness!

I think it is imperative to remember to laugh, and let yourself do it, especially, when grouchiness might be approaching!  You can't be in a bad mood anymore, if you laugh at something!

If you can't find something to laugh about, perhaps just make something up, or better still, laugh at yourself.  You are funny!

Try it.

Here's to all my friends and family members who throughout my whole life have laughed with me, at me, in spite of me, because of me, and at times, for me!  I hope my Heaven involves this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx7lz5X2vKk 

women are....

I just don't know, sometimes.  

Sometimes women are exactly right.  They are who you need, what you need, and the men are idiots (of course, I mean this in the kindest of terms.)  Actually, I'm so often thinking, "I'm going to have an all-girl party, and invite all the women I like" - there are many.  Tons, even.  And then, I start to think of things like, "I'll have them watch these movies and listen to this music and eat this food and talk about these things and laugh the whole time........." and invariably, one of them pops into my head as a spoiler.  They probably wouldn't be.  They'd probably all humor me, if I threw a party for them.  But, I don't know.  There's so much potential for danger.......

Sometimes women are completely nuts.  Tonight I experienced a lot of women who with the very best of intentions, all became a bunch of complete raving maniac pecking hen crazies all chattering and hovering around at once.  These are ladies who under normal circumstances, I really like.  It was like that song in "The Music Man" - "Pick a Little, Talk a Little."  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbhnRuJBHLsI couldn't stop them.  They weren't even acting human.

I know I sound very righteous at this point, as if I'm not one, myself.  I know I probably must have gotten involved in this behavior before at some time, but thank goodness I don't remember it!  I would be on my own nerves!

I only wished for a male to be present.  I actually reached for the first one I saw (who happens to be my friend) as if I were reaching for the last life preserver on the Titanic.  I was happy to get home to my Bald Man of few words.

In Her Shoes

Literally.  I will be in my friend Sarah's shoes.

Her Mom so generously gave me, what must be, ALL of Sarah's shoes.  Not too many size 10s around; something we proudly shared.  I am so grateful and happy to have them.   Also, there are some clothes.   I was laughing through the tears as I held each piece - it was like going through my own closet in many ways.

I don't have many more words about this; just tons of emotions.  Mostly, trying to celebrate her life.

To Sarah!

Alternative Valentines

Here are some silly things I painted for an art sale.  (I only sold one, so if anyone wants one, they're cheap!)

Other, happier thoughts...

There ARE people who use their manners!

There ARE people who make the effort to show kindness, and I appreciate them and their efforts!

Of course, none of us is perfect, and we do all make mistakes - many of which, we may not even be aware.

Sometimes, it just seems like you can run into a whole phase of "less than politeness," and that makes my hope in humankind waver.  It also makes me miss my friend Sarah worse.

But back to the original purpose - I am still trying to live my life in her honor.  All things and relationships beautiful, meaningful and hopeful are what I'm surrounding myself with.  (And if you don't make the cut, well, you can keep trying - I'm all for positive change and more chances.)  No one who reads this "misses the cut."  I'm just saying that if the negative energy that I get from some of the folks with whom I associate (due to necessity) ever changes, I'll be glad to accept it.  If it doesn't - their loss!

Here's to positive energy, nice people and good, real, solid, genuine friends!

my thoughts of late

Isn't it easier to be nice than to be mean?  Doesn't it feel better and take less energy?

Mean/rude/hurtful can be passive-unintentional; people must be careful - at least conscious!

Genuine kindness is obvious to those of us who really care about it.  We appreciate that.

Basic social skills and good manners are still in style, aren't they?

Caring for one's fellow man/woman is still important, right?

Selfishness is not attractive, nor does it make anyone truly feel good, does it?

Pretty is as pretty does, right?

Love your neighbor as yourself, right?

Thanks, Mom and Dad, my 4 Grandparents, my Aunts and Uncles, and some "spare" parental types for teaching me these things.

Change and growth...

Here is something funny and silly that I painted for my children's school.  I sincerely hope everyone enjoys being the butterfly and the caterpillar!  Since this photo, I've added some big green wire leaf shapes that stick out, and a bowtie for the caterpillar.  They are out for the evening, after all.

Not the world's loftiest piece of art, but at least I'm using paint and a paint brush again.  I also managed to paint some hearts on some china plates for a Valentine's art sale thing.

I am coming back to life; some creativity is trying to get out.

Many things have been going on around here.  We've been quite busy and pretty happy too.  I will work at posting more regularly again, and will add photos, because I always think posts need that.

I hope no one is too disturbed by my large butterfly head.........

Let me see.....

if I remember how to do this.

I thank those of you who actually read this silly thing, and if there are any of you left, who keep checking, I am still here.

I've emerged from about 6 weeks of fast and furious working at the fine craft gallery.  That was wonderful - and a little tiring.  I didn't get much laundry or cleaning done, but somehow, we survived, and no one hot lined us.  It was absolutely wonderful to be surrounded by the great art, as well as by great artists.  I can truly say now that some inspiration is slowly, but surely making its way back into my being.

I'm still working there, just quite a bit less.  I've gone from 6 days/week, to 6 days/month.  This leaves me time to get my butt to my studio (yes, I have one) and actually create something!  I have plans - so all well-wishes and "positive vibes" (as Sarah used to say) are welcome!  I will try.

As a matter of fact, I've done a tiny start - photographs of professional ballet dancers rehearsing.  I will paint or draw or sculpt from these.  As a bit of an old dancer, myself, combining dance and art is the most ideal subject possible for me.  I'm good at rendering figures, and I know about dance.  I hope this works!

I've been avoiding this blog a bit, simply because I've just been trying to feel my sadness, and I didn't think readers might want to just keep reading about that.  I do still miss my friend, though, every day, many times a day.  I do still visit her grave, and try to keep something pretty in my little vase, (or near) even though it's freezing outside.  I imagine whenever her memorial stone gets put up, I may not need to do this, but heck, I have no idea what to expect!  I may need to do it forever.  I think partly, I'm just still trying to grasp that this is the fact.  I still want to call her with some nutty art idea and bounce ideas back and forth.

I do have a funny story to share; at least I like it...  Sarah would like it...

Yesterday, I was slightly down-trodden due to an offensive woman who can often make me feel bad.  I wish she couldn't, but somehow, she's just so rude, that she gets to me sometimes.  My kids happened to observe the rude behavior, and its effect on me.  Anyway, while I was in the kitchen cooking (yes, for the 3rd night in a row, I think!) I heard my funny little Cake in the dining room singing (to the tune of London Bridge) "_______  ______ (insert offensive woman's name here) is poop and pee, poop and pee, poop and pee.  _______   ______ is poop and pee... (and my wonderful Veggie chimed in from downstairs) "and diarrhea!"  

What better defenders and friends could I ever have?!

So, forward ho!  As I'm told.