I need more time.

I can't seem to find enough time!


I'm wondering, in my case, or in anyone's, if I had all the time in the world - if that would be enough.


I want more time with my kids. I don't like days going by so fast. Veggie is ten years old, which I'm assuming means that her time to live with us in our house is about half over! I still don't have it all organized and painted the way I want it, etc. I still don't have a great habit of cooking "the real meals" for my children and husband, for Heaven's sake! I don't feel like I have my act together. I feel like the show is in progress, and I'm scrambling to learn the lines and the blocking for the next scene as it's happening.


I know that on July 7th, when my friend Sarah died, I lost it. Whatever control I was gaining over things, and it seemed like I was gaining some, went straight out the window. I've been trying to be a little bit easy on myself, in allowing time to be sad, grieve, adjust, whatever. But now, I'm really scrambling. And, I'm still sad, grieving, adjusting, whatever.


I am trying to fit things in where they seem logical, and "right." I'm taking as much time as I can get with my kids. I've even allowed some time for the bald man - I think it's called dating.


I'm trying to get to my dance classes, get back in shape, watch/listen to the news, give some time to our various parents, get the house under control and make it beautiful, make some food every now and then, talk/listen to God, be in touch with friends and family, do some art (which is very difficult)...............oh, and now, I'm actually working at a real job, which I'll talk about later.


This is all nothing but whining. But how is one supposed to spend her time on earth? Exactly, how does one decide which things to give more energy to, and which things have to fall to the bottom of the list?

I suppose one prioritizes. I just don't feel big enough to take care of it all.

Some people don't get enough time to live on earth with their families and friends. Some have it cut way too short. I just want to be making the very best use of the time I get. I want to do it right. I owe this to Sarah. I'm getting the chances that she is not, which is not fair. I simply cannot mess it up.

I will keep fighting through the self-pity, and self-doubt, and plow on. Forward, Ho! I guess.

Footnote:

The guy in the tri-cornered hat, holding the cake, is now Cake's Godfather!

Everything Old Is New Again

My sweet daughter, Cake, who is 7, and in 2nd grade, was in a class play last week. The play was "Friends Around the World", and she chose to be from Argentina. She portrayed a vaquera, which is a female gaucho/cowgirl. In searching for inspiration for a costume for her, I asked one of my Brazilian friends to help. He immediately sent me many links to Argentinian sites.

Cake was at first thinking she would be a tango dancer, but I sort of guided her away from that, just yet. I was thinking that perhaps 7 year olds didn't wear the traditional tango outfit...

We did find, thanks to Leo, some "cowgirl-ish" costumes, which looked sort of like what women and girls wore in the wild American west, and even a little like colonial times. Then the lightbulb went on for me! I had the perfect solution, and I would hopefully not even have to sew! (even though I would have...)

My Mother is an extremely talented seamstress, and in 1976, she created for me an awesome bi-centenial costume. I was also in 2nd grade. And, yes, she saved it! It fit my precious cake, and with the addition of cowgirl boots and some flowers in the hair, she was as authentic as could be!

Here, you can see the photos from 1976, as well as the ones from last week. (I'm the one with the nerd hair, and yes, my friends and I are riding in a helicopter - one of many special bi-centenial treats in my small hometown!)

GO MOM!

The Perfect Reminder

This afternoon, hundreds of people gathered for two purposes: to honor my friend Sarah, and to be together with friends and family.



We held a "drop-in-family photo shoot" in her honor. I say, "we", but I was really just an encourager and a helper. My friend Amy, with her larger than life spirit and deeper than deep heart, headed up the idea with her buddy Kim. Anyway, what it was (if you were there, sorry to replay), was this: Beautiful Fall day in the park - just a grass, creek and trees park (very near Sarah's home), tons of kids running around and doing games and crafts, folk/bluegrass-ish fiddle music in the background (live - played by Sarah's neighbor and others), 6 professional photographers (7?) placed throughout, taking casual/fun family photos, a few of us checking people in while our young daughters and sons escorted families to photographers, no waiting lines, tons of homemade treats to eat, bunches of gorgeous gerbera daisies to hand out to the kids - all happiness. All of Sarah's family members were there, and so many special friends.



She touched so very many lives with her absolute beauty, her grace and her love. Today, even though a bit difficult a time or two - just because I miss her so much, was a wonderful reminder of who she was, and what lessons she gave to me. I am quite sure that today she was at the very least, smiling.



I miss you, Friend.

Hitting the reset button

FIRST! Let me give a disclaimer: the women in the first photo are truly much, much more beautiful in real life. This picture doesn't capture their complete auras, nor does it present any of us as supermodels. However, look at our eyes - we are happy to be together, and we are deeply beautiful to each other.

I spent last weekend with my 3 best college girlfriends. We have started a tradition celebrating our birthdays together, starting with my 40th last year, with a trip to Chicago. The details are too precious to post here, so just know we had fun.

This time another of us was turning 40, and we gathered at her family's cabin. Okay, but it was not just a cabin. This structure was built over 100 years ago - logs and chinking in near perfect condition. It was filled with museum quality antiques, including a pump organ, which I played and thoroughly enjoyed.

We rested, walked in the wilderness, soaked our feet in the cold pool (the location was an old hunting club), canoed, antiqued in a nearby town, laughed, drank some wine, and ate. Get this: her husband offered/insisted on being our chef for the weekend! He and their two adorable boys stayed at another cabin around the corner, but we did associate. My family joined us all on the last day too, and it was just absolute bliss.

In an email the day after arriving back home, my now-40 year old friend said, "being with you guys is like setting the reset button for me." I couldn't agree more.

I'm so lucky to have had two such wonderful vacations lately. I am more lucky to have these people in my life - my friends and my family. I cried when I left my girlfriends, but fairly soon down the road, I did realize something: if we continue our tradition of gathering at least once a year for a few days, then it is likely that we will have 40 or 50 more trips to go on! If we gather twice a year, well, you can see the exponential possibilities!

Go on trips! Rest. Be happy. Appreciate life.