So, even though sometimes I try to be skeptical (I don't really know why,) there are signs that comfort me.
Here is a story about a sign. About 15 years ago, I met my husband. After a couple of weeks of dating him, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had a surgery and was okay, until it re-appeared one year later as a spot in his lung. We were married for a few months, by then. So this man was very afraid of taking the chemotherapy that was recommended. He's a nature boy. He spent 30 days after the diagnosis researching alternative treatments. I remained outwardly calm, mostly, until on the 30th day, I decided that I was no longer calm. I very consciously (and pretty quietly) took all the glasses out of the cabinet thinking that I would break them. Having never done anything like this, I had seen people throw things on tv and in movies, and it seemed to help them. So I went to the back of our house and decided to throw them against the wall. (They weren't nice glasses anyway.) I did this, and it did sort of help a little bit. But after realizing that this, of course, was not constructive, I remembered to pray.
I went to the back of our yard, which contained many weeds (nature boy, remember) and prayed. I have prayed my whole life, but this time, I asked very directly for some sign letting me know that somehow, my husband would be okay. I said this to God, and then I looked down at my feet to see a 4-leafed clover. So, I said, "Oh, gosh, thanks...that was really fast." I picked it, and then I picked a total of 22 4-leafed clovers without taking a single step. There might have been more, but I was getting the idea, and had to run inside to share this news.
At that point, my husband, said, "okay" - he took the chemo for 4 months, he had a thoracotomy (which if you're not familiar, meant two hands of a surgeon reaching between ribs to get that tumor our of his lung,) and he's fine.
He's fine.
In October, we will celebrate his 13th year being a cancer survivor. AND we got these two healthy wonderful kids as an added special gift!
So, since then, I am able to find 4-leafed clovers when I really need them. Sometimes, I didn't know I needed them, until after I found them. I can't usually find them when I'm looking for them, but if I want to share God's comfort with someone, this is a way that I have been able to do it.
I NEEDED one to give to Sarah before she went for surgery, and I couldn't find one. I looked for 2 weeks straight. And I was getting scared. But, the morning of the day she left town, I went on a rare walk with the bald man, and right before getting in the car, I found one.
We sped over to her house (where I was going anyway, but did not want to go empty-handed) and she was still there.
After she died, I was so extremely angry, and said, out loud even, that it was so stupid to have brought her that ridiculous weed, and that of course, it wasn't a sign, and that I was never picking one again, even if I found 1000 of them at once. They were just weeds.
And then, after being at the visitation for 4-5 hours, and walking to get into the car feeling difficulty even breathing and standing upright, my precious Cake said, "Look, Mommy! A 4-leafed clover! I'm picking it for Sarah." It was right by the car, growing out of the sidewalk!
So, okay. OKAY. I will not turn my back on the Lord. I will not stop seeing his signs of comfort, whatever they mean. When I was trying to find the one for Sarah, I wasn't asking for specifics that time. I just prayed that He would take care of her. And, so He is.
Sarah's favorite flower, as far as I know, is the Gerbera daisy - all colors! She loved intense, saturated colors and simplistic beauty. She also embodied these things. I have planted Gerberas in pots for several years, and always had blooms all summer long, but this summer, for some reason, no. The crazy things nearly died, and they certainly didn't bloom - at all.
However, today, and for the last week or so, while I've been particularly sad and missing my friend, guess what. One hot pink daisy has popped up, and remains proudly alone. It's almost funny to see, so I remember to laugh through my tears, and continue on.
Here is a story about a sign. About 15 years ago, I met my husband. After a couple of weeks of dating him, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had a surgery and was okay, until it re-appeared one year later as a spot in his lung. We were married for a few months, by then. So this man was very afraid of taking the chemotherapy that was recommended. He's a nature boy. He spent 30 days after the diagnosis researching alternative treatments. I remained outwardly calm, mostly, until on the 30th day, I decided that I was no longer calm. I very consciously (and pretty quietly) took all the glasses out of the cabinet thinking that I would break them. Having never done anything like this, I had seen people throw things on tv and in movies, and it seemed to help them. So I went to the back of our house and decided to throw them against the wall. (They weren't nice glasses anyway.) I did this, and it did sort of help a little bit. But after realizing that this, of course, was not constructive, I remembered to pray.
I went to the back of our yard, which contained many weeds (nature boy, remember) and prayed. I have prayed my whole life, but this time, I asked very directly for some sign letting me know that somehow, my husband would be okay. I said this to God, and then I looked down at my feet to see a 4-leafed clover. So, I said, "Oh, gosh, thanks...that was really fast." I picked it, and then I picked a total of 22 4-leafed clovers without taking a single step. There might have been more, but I was getting the idea, and had to run inside to share this news.
At that point, my husband, said, "okay" - he took the chemo for 4 months, he had a thoracotomy (which if you're not familiar, meant two hands of a surgeon reaching between ribs to get that tumor our of his lung,) and he's fine.
He's fine.
In October, we will celebrate his 13th year being a cancer survivor. AND we got these two healthy wonderful kids as an added special gift!
So, since then, I am able to find 4-leafed clovers when I really need them. Sometimes, I didn't know I needed them, until after I found them. I can't usually find them when I'm looking for them, but if I want to share God's comfort with someone, this is a way that I have been able to do it.
I NEEDED one to give to Sarah before she went for surgery, and I couldn't find one. I looked for 2 weeks straight. And I was getting scared. But, the morning of the day she left town, I went on a rare walk with the bald man, and right before getting in the car, I found one.
We sped over to her house (where I was going anyway, but did not want to go empty-handed) and she was still there.
After she died, I was so extremely angry, and said, out loud even, that it was so stupid to have brought her that ridiculous weed, and that of course, it wasn't a sign, and that I was never picking one again, even if I found 1000 of them at once. They were just weeds.
And then, after being at the visitation for 4-5 hours, and walking to get into the car feeling difficulty even breathing and standing upright, my precious Cake said, "Look, Mommy! A 4-leafed clover! I'm picking it for Sarah." It was right by the car, growing out of the sidewalk!
So, okay. OKAY. I will not turn my back on the Lord. I will not stop seeing his signs of comfort, whatever they mean. When I was trying to find the one for Sarah, I wasn't asking for specifics that time. I just prayed that He would take care of her. And, so He is.
Sarah's favorite flower, as far as I know, is the Gerbera daisy - all colors! She loved intense, saturated colors and simplistic beauty. She also embodied these things. I have planted Gerberas in pots for several years, and always had blooms all summer long, but this summer, for some reason, no. The crazy things nearly died, and they certainly didn't bloom - at all.
However, today, and for the last week or so, while I've been particularly sad and missing my friend, guess what. One hot pink daisy has popped up, and remains proudly alone. It's almost funny to see, so I remember to laugh through my tears, and continue on.
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